My husband was very confused as he found me angrily searching through my kitchen pantry pulling out bottle after bottle of all different kinds of liquor. I could feel his eyes on me , watching my every move as i piled the bottles beside the kitchen sink. One by one I poured each bottle down the drain , one, two, three ... and on and on. I was distraught , something had come over me that night, something powerful , something magnificent, life changing, mood altering, attitude tweaking, it was grace, amazing grace.
I stood bent over at my kitchen sink, the same sink i wash my hands clean in, and hear I was FINALLY washing my soul , one bottle at a time i was prying the devils hands off of me. The grip he had on me was powerful, tight, and started to consume my life. I could hardly gather my thoughts, so many things running through my mind as i stood sobbing, hardly able to catch my own breathe. I was thinking of our marriage and what we had been through in the past year, a new baby boy , a new life together, and all the truths that had finally surfaced. The truths were the hardest part of that year...
My husband realized what was happening, and without a word he stood behind me, gently he placed his right hand on my back, and past me a bottle with his left . He didn't have anywords, but he didn't need any, and neither did I. There was enough noise in the house that night, and the noise could not be ignored. It was Jesus and he was knocking on my door , loud and clear.
For the first time in many years I was ready to be honest, honest with myself, honest with my family, honest with friends, and now honest with all the people in the world that read this blog... most importantly I was ready to be honest with my God who above all else knows my every mistake, my ever move, my every breath.. and the best part, he loves me completley, despite my mistakes, my moves, my breaths.
it was honesty that shook my marriage for the worst, and now honesty was shaking my soul for the better.
and now....I am honestly breathing.
again and again I will sing.... Amazing Grace
my decorations aren't the only difference in my life this Christmas.
" Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me. " Revelations 3:20
