..so let the rain fall

Today driving home I was in wonder, in wonder of whether or not those dark clouds above us were going to finally let me and my car have it. It hadn't started to rain yet, but I knew those clouds couldn't hold back much longer. When I looked to my left, across a farmers field I was in awe. Awe that among all of this darkness there were these beautiful, white, shiny clouds, floating like nothing could stop them. It was then that my husband stated,

"hunny, it is almost as though there is a distinct line right down the centre of the dark clouds and the light ones. huh"

And that's when i started to think back,
Growing up in a Christian home I knew Jesus loved me, and so did my family. I was home schooled for the first 5 grades of my life until we moved to "the big city". My parents thought it would be a good time to send me to public school. So there I was, a 9 year old girl standing no taller than 4 ft , with no friends, absolutely thrilled to be going to public school for the first time. When the national anthem came on and I was the only one not standing, that was it, the moment I knew I definitely wasn't prepared for this.

A few years later Jr high came around, and for some reason this particular memory stands out in my mind like a sore throat!

It was freezing cold, and there I stood outside the city movie theatre. I was alone and no older than 13. Of course I didn't come alone, I came with two girlfriends who were now inside watching a movie I knew FOR SURE my mother would not approve of. I had decided to stick to my guns on this one, I was NOT watching that movie no matter what, because MY MOTHER said.  I remember feeling like she would be so proud of me for making that decision, the funny thing is, I am now 21 years old, and I have still never told her. And I should have because that was one decision I actually made that she would be proud of me for.  

Although the rest of my Jr High days were filled with phone calls from the office to my home, suspensions, and outbursts against teachers, I was still a loving person, just not to everyone. It wasn't Jr High that scares me when I think back to it. It is high school. That is when it all began..I still knew Jesus loved me, but for some reason i stepped out of the sunshine and clouds, and into the storm. And a strong storm it was, and it took me years to see the sun, it was always there I was just too hung over to see it.

..the rest is for tomorrow

i shall leave you with this insight of my past as a Jr Higher;
 I knew that the line was very distinct, but it only took one moment for me to drive across that line right into the storm . I had many friends but I had abandoned the one friend that loved me for who I was, no matter where I was. Jesus. And I was very much alone from that day forward.

I am glad I know exactly where I stand now. Even when the rain falls, because eventually, the rain will fall, it always does no matter who you are, or where you are, there will be storms. I will choose to stand in the sunshine. 

peace&love mercy&grace